Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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