Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
