I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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