so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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