Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
