Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
