you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize