Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
