I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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