Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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