Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
