Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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