Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
