We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
