Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
