thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
