I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
