Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize