the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And then my night got REAL pukey
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
