if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
