I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
