Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
