I looked at my own cervix.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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