You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We have started to decorate penises.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
