I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
