May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
