the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
