When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
