i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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