capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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