its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
