I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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