it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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