I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
