sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
