I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize