Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
