shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
