You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
