I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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