I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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