the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize