I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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