Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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