I didn't shave. On purpose
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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