My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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