My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
