So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize