why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
