my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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