I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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