He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
