We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
