the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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