Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Jerry, you need to find god
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
