Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
