he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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