I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
