you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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