He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
