Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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