You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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