I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
