I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
