Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sext me about skeletons
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
