her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize