Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
