I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
