I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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