Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
