I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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