nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
