How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
